“Within the gap of time after a trigger,
lives your power to honor self
and choose love over fear.”
Glenn S. Cohen
@CenterForNI
In part 1 of this series, we explored why we often choose partners who activate our unhealed wounds. From the lens of Neurological Intelligence, committed love relationships are living laboratories, designed to awaken the unresolved places inside us so we can grow, heal, and evolve.
Now in part 2, we shift from insight to strategy. Specifically, how we can use 11 powerful seconds to transform an unconscious, reactive response into an intentional, empowered one, one that creates connection instead of conflict.
Let’s be real, we all get triggered. We all have moments where our inner child throws a tantrum or our inner reptile lashes out. In those moments, rupture happens. But the real questions are:
1. Can you make the switch from reactive to responsive within 11 seconds?
2. Can you pause long enough to choose connection over protection?
3. Can you repair the rupture before it deepens?
Let’s walk through the steps.
Step 1: Recognize the Trigger - The moment you feel that spike, don’t ask “why” just yet. That sends you into the analyzing, rationalizing left brain. Not helpful right now. Just notice and be aware: I’m triggered. No judgment. No story.
Step 2: Feel the Sensation - Now bring your attention to your body. Most triggers show up as sensations in the torso: throat, chest, belly. Do you sense: Constriction or Expansion? Hot or Cold? Tingling or Electrical? Heavy or Dark? You’re now accessing the mindfulness centers of your brain, engaging your awareness without needing to fix or figure anything out.
Step 3: Pause and Breathe - In this space of awareness, take a pause. A conscious pause. Breathe deeply. Exhale slowly. Let some of the reactive energy release. This is the space where choice begins.
Step 4: Shift to Gratitude - This is the alchemy. When triggered, the brain often tells a familiar disempowered story: This is being done to me. I’m a victim. I’m not safe. But if we shift our focus, just slightly we can say: This is being done for me. This moment, this trigger, is an opportunity to heal something old and unresolved. To reclaim my power. To choose a new meaning.
The Bigger Picture - Pain can motivate profound change, if we allow it. Triggers are not interruptions; they’re invitations. They’re the body’s way of saying: Hey, pay attention here. This is where healing and love wants to enter.
None of us are perfect. We will rupture sometimes. That’s not the issue. The invitation is to learn how to self-soothe and repair, to return to safety, certainty, and trust.
As Viktor Frankl so wisely said: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” And I would add, our neurological freedom.
You always have the power to choose the meaning of this moment. You can reframe any meaning from your past that still hurts, and give it a new meaning that honors who you are today.
Imagine a lightning storm over the ocean. The thunder cracks, the waves rise, the sky flashes with electricity. And then silence. You watch. You breathe. You remember: the storm is not you. It’s passing through you. So, when a storm rises inside you, can you pause long enough to remember that you are the sky, not the storm?
If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Visit my website centerforni.com to schedule an initial interview session. You can also tune into my bi-weekly podcast, Lessons of Life, Love, and Healing, on Apple or Spotify. Subscribe to my Substack blog for daily reflections and as a gift, enjoy my CNI – Spiritual Soulful Healing Playlist on Spotify.
With big hugs and lots of love,
God bless,
Glenn 🙏🌻
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