Are You There for Me?

“The way you love today is shaped

by the way you were loved when it mattered most.”

Glenn S. Cohen

@CenterForNI

Before you can truly assess the health of your committed relationship, take a moment to check in with your attachment style. Is the bond you’ve formed with yourself secure or are you still carrying echoes of insecurity from the past?

Attachment theory teaches us that how your caregivers showed up for you or didn’t and wired your nervous system with a blueprint for love. If, in your earliest years, you didn’t feel consistently seen, soothed, or supported, your nervous system may have stored that as danger. Over time, this can evolve into an insecure attachment style: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or some mix of the three.

You may not even realize it, but those early moments are still with you. When your partner triggers you today, you may find yourself thinking, feeling, and acting younger than you are. That’s not a flaw, it’s a flashback. Your nervous system doesn't track time the way your mind does. Unresolved memories from childhood are neurological unresolved bundles, can hijack your present experience, especially when you feel unsafe, uncertain, or unseen.

The question that lives at the heart of attachment is simple, but profound:

“Are you there for me, the way I need you, when I need you the most?”

If you didn’t get a consistent yes to that question growing up, it’s likely your adult relationships reflect that longing. The stories you tell yourself, the emotions you feel, and the behaviors you repeat may be stuck in the past, though they’re playing out in your present.

Here’s the truth: every human being has wounds from childhood. No parent can be perfect all the time. And that’s okay. What matters now is how you tend to those wounds and create a secure, empowered bond with yourself first, and then with your partner.

Your nervous system is like a thermostat set in childhood. If you were left in the cold too often, your system now overreacts to the slightest chill, even in warm rooms. Healing is learning how to reset the dial, so you respond to the present, not the past. So, when conflict arises, do you feel like your reaction belongs to your current self, or does it feel like someone younger is steering the wheel?

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Visit my website centerforni.com to schedule an initial interview session. You can also tune into my bi-weekly podcast, Lessons of Life, Love, and Healing, on Apple or Spotify. Subscribe to my Substack for daily reflections and as a gift, enjoy my CNI – Spiritual Soulful Healing Playlist on Spotify.

With big hugs and lots of love,

God bless,

Glenn 🙏🌻