"The opposite style in your partner
isn’t your problem, it’s your mirror.
Triggers are gifts to teach you."
Glenn S. Cohen
@CenterForNI
You may not realize it at first but the ways you feel, react, and relate in relationships are deeply shaped by the attachment style you developed with your earliest caregivers. These unconscious patterns run in the background of your nervous system, influencing how you show up in love.
You might cling to connection or withdraw from it. You might need constant reassurance or push people away without meaning to. These are not flaws, they are protective strategies rooted in your past. And becoming aware of them is the first step toward change.
If you had emotionally attuned caregivers, you likely developed a secure attachment style. You’re able to connect, communicate, trust, and regulate your emotions. But if you had caregivers who were inconsistent, distant, or frightening, you may have developed an insecure attachment style, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized.
Anxious types fear abandonment and crave closeness. Avoidant types value independence and feel overwhelmed by intimacy. Disorganized types swing between the two, often feeling unsafe and unsure in connection.
Here’s the twist: we’re often drawn to partners with the opposite style. An anxious person may be magnetically pulled to someone avoidant, and vice versa. These polarities ignite sparks but they also stir our deepest wounds.
And that’s the opportunity. The friction isn’t a flaw, it’s fuel. It’s energy that can power your transformation if you stay conscious and choose growth over reactivity.
Healing is possible. You can move from insecure to secure. I’ve seen it in my clients. I’ve lived it myself. It takes intention, awareness, and practice but the reward is deep, steady love.
You can’t change your past. But you can rewire your present and reshape your future.
Think of your attachment style like a dance you learned in childhood. You may have practiced it so often it became your default rhythm. Now, in adult relationships, a partner with a different dance can step on your toes but also teach you new moves. So, what dance are you doing in love and what would happen if you let your partner show you a new step?
If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Visit my website centerforni.com to schedule an initial interview session. You can also tune into my bi-weekly podcast, Lessons of Life, Love, and Healing, on Apple or Spotify. Subscribe to my Substack blog for daily reflections and as a gift, enjoy my CNI – Spiritual Soulful Healing Playlist on Spotify.
With big hugs and lots of love,
God bless,
Glenn 🙏🌻
Share this post